I know what I've been, but do I know what I am?

I'm stuck on forgiveness - or more acurately on accepting forgiveness.  You can see it easily from this strong case of the "yeah, but's" I've developed.  "God loves and accepts us as we love and accept our own children."  Yeah, but I really messed up....   and I did the things I swore I'd never do again....  "I don't have to carry the weight of who I've been, cause I'm forgiven"  Yeah, but I just can't believe I did that...  

Sound familiar at all?  God's ready to hold us in his loving arms and welcome us as we are, but we aren't quite able to accept his forgiveness and love.  Do we feel that we deserve more suffering or that (with apologies to Garth and Wayne) "we're not worthy" of acceptance?  I'm not sure.  Maybe its an excuse to stay where we are and not move back to a positive productive way of life? Hmmmmm.....  

Regardless, I like "Forgiven" by Toledo's very own Sanctus Real because it reminds us that whether we choose to accept forgiveness or to keep reliving our lives in the middle of the night - we are a treasure in the arms of Christ.   (Scripture #1 and #2)   His absolution is more powerful than our own self-doubt.

 So, if the son of God can love us in our imperfection, maybe I can accept His mercy and know what I am - forgiven.  

Same Old, Same Old.....

Who am I to presume that my thoughts - without the substance of my actions - are worth anyone's time?  Is it really honest of me to put out this SOTW when I have virtually no involvement in my church or its activities?  Am I really back in this lifestyle and frame of mind....again? 

To say that I've been a little frustrated with myself lately, might be ever-so-slightly understated. The missing entries here at SOTW reflect the hollowness of my faith and the distance I've moved away from God's love.

I chose "East To West" by Casting Crowns as the song to help get me back on track.  It has been around for a few years, but its message is spot-on for me.  "I'm not holding on to You, but You're holding on to me"

There are many scriptures that fit the lyrics, but I chose two that I liked best. (Click to read them - first and second.)   I need to be reminded that God forgives AND forgets - that my sins are not treated as severely as my mind feels I deserve.  That God loves us no matter what - just as we love our children.  We can not be separated from that powerful connection.